Help Me

There's one thing I've noticed about people, I spend a lot of time watching people (prefer to watch rather than interact) and that is that nobody helps anyone anymore. People are so caught up in their own self importance (this is a generalisation - I know not everybody is like this) that they forget to help anyone.

A few weeks ago a met a young woman that I'll call Sally. Sally had just moved into town with her partner from elsewhere within this state (is basically a farm girl) and was looking for work. We chatted when she came up to ask a few questions when she was walking her dog and I was feeding my horses (she's a horsey girl so there was common ground). She asked about work in the town. I was honest. This town can be pretty difficult to get work in if you're new to the area and have no connections. It's pretty brutal. When I was made redundant from my last admin job, it took me 4 1/2 months to find something suitable. I've been gainfully employed for the last 8 months and I'm in no hurry to move on from where I am. The hours suit me and the money is OK.  I'm digressing a bit.

While Sally told me her story I thought to myself, I've been in your shoes. Many years ago when I first moved to a rather remote capital city interstate I knew nobody. Had no friends, no family and was completely isolated from all that was familiar. It sucked being alone. I said to myself (once I got away from there and found my way home again) that if I ever met someone in a similar situation to what I was back then, I'd do my best to help them in any way I could.

I told Sally that I'd add her on Facebook and I'd send her a heap of links to employment websites and would help her with her resume if needs be. Turns out she only has her Automatic Driver's Licence and wants to get her manual licence. Now I don't know this young woman from a bar of soap but I offered to help her with driving. I've a manual car and I'm generally pretty patient (though I have my moments) and I said I'd take her out for a drive before she sat her exam. I also said I'd accompany her to her driving exam and she could use my car for it. I know I'm taking a big risk. I know that she's a complete stranger but there was something in the way she talked and how she spoke that lit a spark within me as something of a kindred spirit. 

I'm going to go out on a limb for someone, not because I feel obliged to, but because I want to help. It's not fun being alone in a place that is foreign to you. If I can help just one person (and she seemed pretty darn depressed when I met her) and make a difference in their life, even if it's only small, it will be worth it.

Hold your Horses

I've not been having a good time lately. My daughter's father and I are once again at a legal impasse. You see, we've been divorced for the best part of 3 years (separated back in 2010) and things have been chaotic ever since. Two years in and out of court for said divorce, custody matters and property settlement. Throw in a forgery and uttering conviction (on his part) and him pursuing a relationship with my ex best friend (they had an affair and well, they're still together) causing complication to the mix I've been a bit frazzled. Sometimes the crazy just gets the best of me and I need to take a bit of time out.

My time out comes in the form of equine therapy. I currently own and lease a horse from a friend. So, by rights, I take care of two equines. They cost me about $40/week each. The blessing is that my daughter can ride both of them and we take turns so she's not left out (she loves horses as much as I do). Equine therapy is sometimes just brushing and spending time with our horses, other days we go for rides and some days we have lessons. Today was just riding with a little bit of jumping thrown in.

My daughter sometimes doubts her abilities to ride. I've been encouraging her as best I can. Today though, the smaller of our two horses got the better of her. She didn't think that he could jump. So we swapped. I let her ride the big fellow Beau (she's just as safe on him as the smaller boy) and I rode Oscar, the small one. Oscar and Beau are both ex racehorses. Though they may have raced, they have taken so very well to no longer being a racehorse. Beau is 8 (the same age as my daughter) and is about 16.3hh (about 169cm at the shoulder). Oscar is 16 and is about 15.1hh (about 154cm at the shoulder). Both have their strengths and weaknesses. Beau is uncoordinated with jumping as he's never really done much of it and Oscar is a bit harder to get moving. Beau has better brakes and Oscar needs a little more 'runway' to pull up. They both test my daughter in different ways.

When we swapped horses she found that she could still ride Beau well that he was more forward yet he wasn't as coordinated over jumps. When I started riding Oscar, I could prove to my daughter that he would indeed jump (at least 60cm). She eventually got Beau to do as she wanted and discovered she could indeed do it. She has a lot of self doubt.

Of all the things I could waste my money on, I see horses as a good investment for my daughter. She gets the time spend with them. Feeding, brushing and caring for them and she gets the thrill of learning new thins when she's riding. Horses are one of the few things that keep my daughter focused most of the time (she's a bit scatterbrained but she is also 8 so I give her leeway). I know it's a lot of money but I don't go out much, I don't drink and I don't party like it's 1999!

In all honesty, I think horses are good for the soul. They kept me sane throughout all of the tumultuous times dealing with the courts. They have been a part of my life ever since I can remember. I hope to have them as part of my life for many years to come.

So Tired of Waking up Tired....

This song comes to mind. I remember going to a Hoodoo Gurus concert quite some time ago and hearing them perform this song live. There have been many days where I've felt that my life kinda revolves around this song. This week in particular has been somewhat difficult. I know I'm not getting enough sleep. Partially due to insomnia and also partially due to my parent's dog.

I am unfortunately or fortunately (at least I have a roof over my head), as a thirtysomething am living with family again along with my 8yo daughter. The joys of living with family (read that as parents and an autistic brother) is that you have no privacy. My father, bless his cotton socks, likes to talk. A LOT! He'll pop his head into my 1/4 of the house and babble on forever if I let him.

Anyway, I'm digressing (as it's now almost 3 am and I'm yet to get any shuteye). My father bought a new dog (to keep the other dog company and help guard the fort) back in October. A rather small bundle of Australian Cattle Dog by the name of Lucky. Alas, rather small bundles tend to grow into rather large bundles. This bundle is now bigger than the other dog, still growing like a weed and has a habit of barking at things. Mostly between the hours of 2 and 4 am. The hours when I'm trying to get some sleep.

This dog has been barking at the curlews running relay races down the street, has been barking at the flying foxes having tantrums over the nectar in the trees in bloom next door and has also undoubtedly been barking at her own shadow. I swear she does. I'm sure in her puppy brain she goes "OMG! It's a shadow! Must BARK!". I yell at her, whistle and curse under my breath but she's pretty persistent with the barking. I call this her 'Moon Moon' phase hopefully she'll grow out of it (she probably barks at the moon too). Anybody who is as much of an internet junkie as I am will know of the unfortunate meme wolf Moon Moon. (for those that don't there's a clicky link provided to explain this meme)

While Lucky is venting her spleen at bogeymen and shadows I am getting very little, or at best, interrupted sleep. Therefore I'm not rested and I get really cranky (I'm irritable at the best of times but without sleep I akin myself to that of a hibernating bear that's been rudely awakened). I also work night fill which means I don't get home until after midnight and it takes me a few hours to wind down. As soon as I drift away into the sweet embrace of slumber I start dreaming of barking only to realise I'm not dreaming anymore and have been rudely awakened.

At least I'm not working later today and I can have a bit of a kinder kip throughout the day. Hopefully without the barking.

The Dog Days of Summer

Just checked my clock. It's now officially the 2nd day of Autumn. Autumn you say? It should be getting cooler you say? Nope. Not here.

I asked my daughter today if she wanted to go for a horse ride. We haven't been riding much lately due to the rain and everything being a muddy mess where we keep our horses (we still go and feed them every day though - they're paddock monsters). She looked me in the eyes and said "No Mum, it's too hot." That's right, too hot. It seems that Summer hasn't got the memo that it's Autumn. 

Instead of going riding, I offered to take her to the local water park for a swim. I've never seen her eyes widen so quickly before. "Really?" she says "Can we?" We packed a bag with towels and sunscreen and headed out the door. On my way to the car I could hear the repetitious hum of cicadas chirping in the trees. Seems even they didn't get the memo that it's now Autumn. 

This in turn led to conversations about cicadas and their life cycle. How they start off as larva and stay in the ground for several years until they crawl out, shed out of their skin and become the noisy insects that we hear in the trees. 

As we were driving to the pool, we talked a little about the seasons and how the days get longer and shorter, how the weather changes and how sometimes, given how close we are to the equator, things don't change very much at all. 

I must admit it was nice to go for a swim. Cooling off in the water and having a bit of fun splashing each other and being silly. I guess that's the upside to the hotter days. Cooling off in a pool. Though I would be much happier if Autumn got here sooner rather than later. I miss the cool.

She Gives Me Fever

One of the many joys (/sarcasm) of being a parent is teaching kids to share. Sharing their toys, sharing their food etc but one thing I don't like them sharing are their illnesses. I've been doing pretty well on the sinus front for the last six months or so. I was probably getting a little complacent about it though. Last week my daughter starts with the sniffles. I get her OTC medicine to help treat the symptoms and think nothing much of it. I take her to the GP earlier this week as she's complaining of a sore throat still. This kid has a history of tonsillitis and came very close to getting them out a few years back. Turns out she's fine and there's next to no inflammation (always a blessing).

However, the day before I take her to the Dr, I notice the niggling feeling of a cold. Just feeling blah with a nose dripping like a leaky tap. On Tuesday night I go to the local pharmacy and ask for some Sinus tablets. I opt for the pharmacy brand because it's cheaper and generally works the same. I pop a few pills and soldier through the night shift at work. Yesterday I feel a little more lethargic, grumpy and generally unwell yet I manage to get through an extended shift without killing anybody. Always a bonus.

Today however I wake up in a pool of sweat. I down some Neurofen and go do my volunteer shift with my local thrift store. It's nice and airconditioned (unlike my home) and I seem to be fine. Then I step outside after my shift and it's like an elephant just sat on my face. You see, the last few days have been the typical monsoonal rainy deluges that we get in this lovely tropical climate. When it's raining the temperatures are actually quite tolerable but when it stops, especially in summer, it becomes so unbearably hot and humid it's like you have to force yourself to breathe.

Now, normally this wouldn't be too much of a challenge but add in the blocked sinus cavities to this hot, humid and horrible weather and it becomes significantly more difficult to breathe. One thing I'm glad about is that I don't have to work to night, or tomorrow night so I can rest up and try and and obtain more of a sense of wellness than I do right now. All I can say is that my supply of medication is doing me well (for now). My fever has somewhat abated and I'm a little more comfortable. I just wish my daughter didn't feel like sharing her bugs with me. Bleah.

Cat's Eyes

They're staring at me. A pair of cat's eyes. They belong to my Chocolate Tortoiseshell Burmese kitty. She's currently sitting in her little kitty condo on my computer desk waiting for bugs to land on my desk lamp so she can eat them. Cats are strange like that. Burmese moreso than most I think. I have three Burmese cats. Mother and two sons from different litters. Back when I used to breed and show European Burmese. The two boys (a Red and a Cream) are 4 years apart. So we have mum (Micah aka Gritty Kitty) who is 9, Blinky (the Red and eldest boy) who is 8 and Rune (the Cream and the youngest) who is 4. They all have their foibles.

Micah: She adores my daughter. Ever since my daughter was born she's been close by her side. She's not a particularly huggy cat but she tends to sit beside you to be petted. She would always sit close to my daughter when she was a baby. Never getting too close, just patiently watching, making sure she was OK. As she got older she'd creep closer and when she was old enough to sleep in her own bed, Micah would sleep on her pillow beside her head. The name Gritty came about when my daughter was first learning how to talk. Instead of being able to say 'Kitty' it came out 'Gitty'. Then the R made it's way in there. Sometimes she gets called Micah but most of the time it's Gritty. Micah also enjoys eating bugs. If she sees a moth on the wall she will attempt her best Olympic High Jump and try and catch it. Though she much prefers the sit and wait method whilst eyeing off my desk lamp. She is a very affectionate cat though is choosy with her affections. She particularly likes my SO. So much so that she abandons me when he comes to visit. I consider her favourite feature to be the speckled tortie patterns across her nose. They look like little brown freckles. I just love taking photos of her. The colours are quite enamouring.

Blinky: When my daughter was 9 months old Blinky was born. He got the name Blinky as he was the first kitten of that litter to open his eyes and blink. Blinky soon became my daughter's favourite. She would dress him up in baby clothes, put him in her little doll beds and tuck him in with a miniature pillow and blanket (complete with teddy bear) and rock him to sleep. She'd also put him in a doll's stroller and push him around the house. Blinky never once complained. I could liken him to the cat Faron in Peanuts. The cat that would get dragged everywhere without really putting up a fight. Blinky has been through a lot. When my daughter was a toddler she found some scissors and chopped off his whiskers (she got a good scolding for that), she painted him with Revlon Colourstay Lipstick (she painted herself too and I used up a good deal of Palmolive Dishwashing Detergent to get it off the both of them), painted him in acrylic poster paints (that I thought I'd put up high enough for her not to reach - never underestimate the ingenuity of a 2yo) and also covered him in papaya ointment (the lesser of these evils). When my daughter's father and I separated I left Blinky behind to be her comfort. I took the other two cats with me. When I got custody of my daughter after a 2 year court battle (which is a story for another day) I got custody of Blinky too. He was rather sick when I got him and it took me a long time before he was fit to fly to me (I lived interstate). There was also an incident when he was about 4yo where he jumped off a 7ft bookcase and suffered a severe concussion. He is the wonky accident prone cat. Well, he was, up until the end of last year but now he's a diet controlled diabetic, wonky, accident prone cat. He's still very much loved by all and my daughter is very thankful to have him with her.

Rune: He was the saddest kitten. He came from a litter of three. He always looked depressed. There was something about him that made me keep him. He is very vocal though. He's like one of those telemarketers trying to sell you something. He just doesn't shut up. He also meows in such an annoying tone it grates on your nerves. This cat knows his name. Mostly from the phrase 'Rune! Shut UP!'. He really loves me though. Always sleeping close to me when he can and harassing me for pettins. He's the autistic younger brother. He thought he could do a Steve McQueen one day and escape the house (he's an indoor cat) and he juped out of the 2nd storey window. Unfortunately the window caught his leg on the way down and it shattered into what looked like a bazillion pieces on the x-ray. I could've spent several thousand dollars to *maybe* fix it or amputate it. Needless to say Rune has 3 legs. He's missing his near side hind. Does it slow him down? Not a bit. He zooms around like he's always done. He has got a lot of muscle up front now though as he uses his front to pull himself around with a pogo stick of a back leg. The cutest/saddest thing about being 3 legs is that the vet left a small amount of femur behind to protect his internal organs. Sometimes, when he's not particularly attentive he still tries to scratch his ear with his missing leg and you see the stump moving like crazy.

I don't know where I'd be without my three cats. Sometimes I think I have one too many but they all have their place in the family.

Hiatus ad infinitum

Well, not really. I didn't think it was that long ago that I posted my last entry. A lot has happened over that timeframe. Suffice to say I can quit bitching about not having a job. I've been gainfully employed as a grocery night filler for the past 7 months (it's really been that long). The strange thing is, I never anticipated in being a night filler. I also never thought I'd actually be good at it.

I can still run around after my daughter during the day. Taking her to swimming and art classes along with riding our horses. Yup, we have horses now. One is a leased horse that's owned by a friend of mine, the other is owned by us. We take turns in riding each of them. I'm so very thankful to have horses in my life still.

I also get to chip away at my TAFE course. I'm almost another two modules down since I last made an entry. I think I have another four modules to go after this one. How time flies.

Life has been pretty good. I'm financially stable, my daughter is happy (for the most part). My relationship with my SO is still going strong and hopefully we'll close the distance in a few months time and make our first steps towards our new life as a family. It's hard to imagine really.

It's not all rainbows and unicorns though. I still have to deal with the sad reality that I'll never be able to have any sense of  normal interaction (even on a business like level) with my daughter's father. He still has to make life difficult for me. Still sends me emails that are hateful, antagonistic and sometimes borderline libelous. I can't change him. I know that. I can only control my own behaviour.

I'm really hoping to get my shit in a pile and start making new notes. At least a little more regularly than 8 months apart. Where'd I go wrong? I'm really not sure but I let it slip away from me. So, here's to new beginnings and more motivation (or something).