You Drive Me Crazy!

This week has been kinda busy. My previous employer has asked me to come back for some casual work over the next few weeks. It kinda puts a dent in the monotony of scouring the employment webpages in the ever increasingly vain hope that I'll find a job I can actually get! 

Seeing as I'm doing a bit more driving to and from places along with chauffeuring said child from pillar to post I've noticed some increasingly bizarre driving behaviour. A few weeks ago it'd be practically unheard of to almost run into (bad pun) other drivers driving like demented squash balls careering around a court with the sole purpose of smacking you in the head and rendering you unconscious (I'm only assuming a squash ball can do this, I've never actually played squash but I've watched others partake in the sport). I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out what it is that's causing this unusual shift in driving behaviours and then it dawned on me. The weather has changed.

In the last couple of weeks the weather has gone from bright, hot, humid sultriness to overcast drizzly semi winter dreariness. People must be getting SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and getting really grumpy. This week alone I've nearly had several accidents. Yesterday I was driving through a set of traffic lights, in the right hand lane of an outbound dual lane that has the left hand lane merge into the right (oncoming traffic to the right of me as per our backward drive on the left Aussie normality). There was nothing beside me until this woman in a mad rush in her white SUV comes charging through the inside lane almost driving me up onto the median strip. Thankfully my brakes work along with my horn to which she thrusts her right arm out the window flipping me the bird only to turn left into the high school car park not 100m from the merging lane.

This left me quite confumbled. What on earth possesses a person to do that? It just doesn't make sense. Are we as a society in that much of a hurry that we must thrust ourselves in front of people just to gain those extra split seconds of time? It really must be a thing because that afternoon, as I was driving home from work I had a provisional driver ride the ass end of my car like a raging haemmorhoid (for those that are wondering her car was red too). While it annoys me that people cut me off, it really grinds my gears to have someone tailgating. I tapped my brakes in the vain hope to get her off my ass but she'd fall back momentarily only to ride it again. This occurred for a good few minutes as I had the misfourtune of her following me almost all the way home. Maybe I'm not an aggressive enough driver? Maybe I just don't have that desperate urgency to be somewhere yesterday! Maybe I'm turning into a grumpy old woman (if you can call a thirtysomething old - I know I've got the grumpy down pat)?

Oh well, at least it's Friday and I have a weekend to myself for the most part. Maybe I should limit my driving to that of a keyboard instead of a car.

Edit

As a small mercy at least I got my smartphone back yesterday after having to go back to my old phone for over a week. Turns out my smartphone was a dirty whore and filthy on the inside which had shorted out the antenna (from what the technician at my service provider could tell me). At least that's something.

Bless You!

No, really. My SO (significant other) has uttered these words several times to me tonight. Why? Well, I believe I have OCS (Obsessive Compulsive Sneezing). You see, I can't sneeze just once. Oh no, I have to sneeze in multiples of at least three, sometimes four or five and if I'm feeling particularly sneezy (Maybe I was one of the Snow White's Seven Dwarves in a previous incarnation) it'll be six or more in a row. 

The one thing I know for sure is that it isn't allergies. I'm not really allergic to all that much and I've been well and truly tested to make sure but I do have chemical sensitivities. Perfumes, cleaning products, deodorants can all send me off into machine gun like bursts of sneezing but generally those are accompanied by the tingling between the ears that signifies a migraine as well as the itchy/watery eyes that go with. I also apparently have chronic non-allergic rhinitis which probably explains most of the chemical sensitivities - and my complete abhorrence for carpet.

I just finished a random burst of about six sneezes in a row and boy did they hurt. I don't know why they hurt but the more times I sneeze in a row the more it seems to hurt. Apparently, according to my interweb searches, which if I put too much stock in I'd be terminally ill with a myriad of diseases these random sneezing events can be brought on by changes in the weather (well, it is cooler than normal), stress (well, I am in a bit of stress - see previous blog post for that) and hormones (being female this kinda makes sense to a degree) to name a few. 

So now, when I sneeze I'm questioning myself whether it is any of those above things or maybe there's something else involved? I really don't know. I'm honestly not sure I want to know but the only thing I know for sure is that my body likes to sneeze a lot. At least I don't seem to have those horridly loud sonic boom sneezes that manage to frighten small children and sleeping cats though maybe I am allergic to something I'm not aware of. Now my nose is itching just thinking about it. Where did I put that Phenergan?

Why won't it work?

Just over a month ago I lost my part time job. It was a good job and I enjoyed working there. My hours were good (at least to begin with) and I felt like I'd finally found somewhere that I belonged. Then I was given some sad news. My position was becoming redundant and that was that. One of the pitfalls of working for a mostly government funded not-for-profit is that funding is fickle and so is work. The state and federal government had cut funding significantly for my employer but they were to continue providing the same service with a smaller bucket of cash. When the bucket gets smaller, the non essential items get tossed out into the wild to fend for themselves. So, now I'm fending.

Even though I'm out of a job I have enough cash coming in through other avenues (part pension and government support as I'm a single parent) to be able to afford to put a  roof over my head, food in the fridge and the bills paid (I'm a pretty frugal person truth be told). Though life is much more comfortable when you have a steady income (that pays a hell of a lot better than pensions et al). So, in order to get at least some disposable income I have to look for a new job. I'm currently studying part time (externally) so ideally a casual or part-time job would be best though a full time job would be good too (I  honestly wouldn't say no). So, I tend to my resume to make sure it's current and start applying to anything that I could even possibly remotely be qualified enough to do.

Lately my average is about 10 - 15 job applications a week. Sure, it might not seem like much but where I live the market is small and the applicants are many so to be able to apply for that many per week is somewhat amazing in itself (I'm in a small town of around 200K people so of course it's going to be a lot smaller than say a town of about 500K+ people). I'm getting interviews for about 20% of the applications I put out though I'm getting feedback from plenty that they've just got too many applications to go through (at least 200 for one position at times) and I just don't make the cut. Age probably has a lot to do with it - I'm a thirtysomething semi skilled worker so cost a lot more to hire than say a twentysomething. Sure I'm in Australia where discrimination based on age or gender for the most part is frowned upon but it still happens. It's part of life.

Then there's the low end retail jobs like working for the local supermarket chains. They keep advertising jobs and I keep getting rejected. I have a running joke that one of the major supermarkets in this town are trying to break their own record with emailing me rejection letters. The fastest so far is about a 36 hour turnaround. I mention this to friends and I keep getting told that it's probably because I'm overqualified for them. Just because I'm overqualified for something doesn't mean I'm not going to give the job my best effort. It's a mindset that I'm still unable to wrap my own head around. I probably never will.

About a week ago I get contacted by my previous employer. The asked me if I was interested in a few week's work while they move offices. I figure why the hell not. Something is better than nothing right? So I'm now temporarily employed until the bucket of cash runs dry again. 

I guess I still find it bizarre. Before my marriage blew up like the fat guy on Monty Python's Meaning of Life and I had to relocate back to my hometown I had no trouble finding jobs. Granted it was an employee's market. I think the longest I was out of work was a week and a half whereas now I've been applying steadily for over 2 months (I started looking before my position officially ended) and it's proving difficult. I've heard through the grapevine that some people are jobseeking for over 12 months and still have nothing. 

Case in point where I was casually chatting to one of the other mothers at the pool where my daughter does weekly swimming lessons. A friend of hers has been deemed 'unemployable' by the unemployment office because she's been looking for almost 2 years and still has nothing (even with furthering her education). I'm not going to let this get to me though. It's still only early days yet and I'm sure there'll be more jobs in the future. I've considered going back to my employer before my last and doing some volunteer time again, just to keep me in the work loop (so to speak). 

I guess I should quit bitching here and go look for work. I haven't checked the websites for a good 24 hours now so there's bound to be something new that I can throw my resume at.

The power of irritability.

What is it with irritability? It sneaks up on you like a ninja then stabs you in the back with a rusty spoon and then tries to dig out your heart through the back of your ribs while it's still beating. Irritability is one of those emotional states that's partway between anger and hatred. You don't really know why you're angry and why you feel like you hate everything but you just do. In comparison, depression (for me at least) is just so much easier. It's essentially sadness wherefore your brain thinks about dying kittens and sick puppies for no apparent reason but it's a quantifiable thing. Something that you can, to at least some degree understand. Lost my job and depressed? Yup, that's normal! Wondering where the money is going to come from to buy those new tyres for the car that you so desperately need and feeling overwhelmed by the lack of finances? Yup, depression pretty normal here too.

Irritability is one of those things that just builds. Kid being obstreperous? +1 to irritability. No hot water in the shower? + 3 irritability. Annoying unwanted text messages when you're trying to send an important message to someone else? + 3 irritability! Then it gets to the stage where it's almost 'Pumkin O'Clock' and you're so wound up and cranky on the inside that sleep feels like a physical impossibility so you add another +5 to that irritability again and you're sitting at a 10/10 irritability scale wondering how the fuck you got there.

The latest thing to add onto my irritability scale is the damn cat drinking water out of the fish tank. I'm yet to understand what the fascination is for this particular cat to have the irrepressible desire to drink fish tank water. Some say it's because it's fish flavoured, others say it's because the water is de-chlorinated or somesuch I really don't know. This cat though, he knows I don't want him drinking the water. He does it to spite me I think though as soon as I make a move to chastise him he runs away and hides under the bed. Sneaky cat.

Anyway, I'm digressing. I have this uncomfortable tightness at the back of my head and a knot in my throat. I feel like there's a little old washerwoman inside of me trying to wring all of the angry out of my internal organs but instead of getting them to the point of spin drying they're just soaking up more angst and irritability like a dehydrated sponge. Thankfully this feeling doesn't happen all that often. I'm kinda glad for that. It really tries my patience. Though, when it does happen I inevitably go into withdrawal mode. I tend to have a shorter fuse when my irritability is high. Probably a good thing I keep away from people when I feel like this. I have a complete intolerance to almost everything when I feel this way. Hopefully today will be a better day. I should probably go to bed before I turn into said pumpkin.

My Telephone?

The last couple of days have shone an interesting light as to how much I take my ability to communicate for granted. I'm one of these technological junkies that loves to be connected to the EVERYTHING! I'm a smart phone owner, it's like an electronic extension of me. Now, if you take my connection to the everything away from me it's like trying to cure a drug addict overnight. I'm seriously addicted to technology. Even to the point of it making me twitch.

Case in point, yesterday my Droid RAZR decided to spontaneously reboot as I connected it to a charger. It wasn't evident how serious this was until I tried to send a text message a few minutes after said reboot. Turns out my phone's antenna, you know, that wonderful piece of kit inside the phone that connects you to the mobile phone network, had decided that it wanted to take an infinite sleep and no longer function. Several power downs later and a hard reset and it was still as dead as Macaulay Culkin's acting career. I did try and convince myself that there was a network outage and it'd be back soon but alas no dice.

I immediately started to panic. I was enroute to a horse show about an hour and a half's drive from home when It really did hit me. I'd be in complete communication blackout. My friend who was accompanying me on said trip had her phone with her. A dumb phone. It sends text messages and makes calls. Unlike my fancy phone that has the Swype funciton to send texts, with hers you have to manually press each button repeatedly until you get the letter you needed. No predictive text, no Swype, just repetitive thumb action that my thumb hasn't seen since the first generation 'smart phones' some 10+ years ago.

When I arrived on location of said horse show and had taken care of the horses as well as setting up camp for the night, my friend was very gracious and allowed me to make a few calls. One to a rather distressed boyfriend who thought I'd died (we're in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR)) because I hadn't said anything to him for several hours and one quick call to my parents who were taking care of my daughter while I was away overnight. Then there was the panic that I needed to keep in touch with my daughter's father (we're on texting and emailing terms ONLY) because it was his designated chat day on the Saturday.

I will say I almost caved. I almost bought myself a burner phone just so I could keep in touch with my SO  (significant other) and have a backup plan. Then I saw the cost and weighed up the pros and cons and convinced myself that I could indeed do without for 24 hours or so before I am able to take the phone into the provider and get it seen to. I was resolute that I wasn't going to cave to that kind of pressure though I will say I did stay up rather late last night trying to get that fucker to work.

This morning, after an abysmal dressage test on my friend's horse (that I ride) I decided to try one last thing. I copied all of the data across to my netbook and then decided to do the dreaded factory reset. I held my tongue in a special way and took bated breaths but no, even after that it was evident that I had a weapon of mass deception. My phone was still relatively useless (and hardly a weapon).

After the show and the drive home I went rummaging to look up my insurance plan. I looked through the plan to find out it didn't cover electronic malfunction. I was about to go into a full on panic because this sounded very much like an electronic malfunction but I took a deep breath and read through my phone's contract to see that my warranty is for 24 months. Very relieved as this phone is barely over 12 months old. So, tomorrow I will be heading back into my provider hoping that I'll be able to send it away to get fixed and obtain a loan phone in the meantime.

I must say I did indeed survive the 24+ hours without my phone. I've learned to be thankful to actually have technology and have a new respect for the old phones that aren't particularly smart but still do their job. My SO is still alive. He was relieved to hear from me when I connected via a Skype call some hours ago. My daughter's father dealt with the fact that my phone has been 'bricked' without too much of an upset and more importantly the world still turns. Though, truth be told I still feel a profound sense of loss. Maybe a beer will help with that!

Let the Rain Fall.

Well, today it's cold, wet and miserable. Ok, fine, it's not that cold. It's barely 20C but I feel it. Especially since our daytime temps are in the low to mid 30s even heading towards winter. There are things I wanted to do today but alas the rain has put paid to it. I'm currently watching my cats curled up at the foot of the bed. All three of them this time. I don't really want to get out of bed either. It's warm and snuggly and perfect for reading books or watching bad TV on my laptop. Alas I have things I need to do today. 

It's that time again. Time to get my eyes checked. I consider myself lucky that as a thirtysomething my eyes are still good enough not to require corrective lenses. Last time I had them checked I still had better than 20:20 in both eyes. Most of my friends wear glasses now though. I feel like the odd one out. The one who has gotten away with it for so long. I know it won't be forever so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. 

Aside from that and taking my daughter to her swimming lesson later this afternoon (good thing it's a heated pool or I'd hear the whines from miles away about it being cold) and the looming optometrist appointment I've been doing a lot of procrastinating. I'm trying to find a new job. Anything will do and I'm sending my resume out to anything that I think I'd have even only a remote chance of getting. I really liked my last job but alas with Government funding cuts (they're a not-for-profit entity) they couldn't afford to keep me on the books as a part timer. Though they have found enough funding to employ me for two weeks in the near future to help them move offices. I'm a firm believer that any work is better than no work.

The employment situation in my town is pretty grim. Recent feedback from jobs I've managed to interview for tell me that at least 100+ people are applying for one position. Out of the hundreds that are applying, employers are interviewing maybe 5 - 10 people and then picking the best out of that. I've been lucky to get interviews I guess. I'm also trying to improve my education to get a better job. I submitted my final assessment for the most recent module and contacted my education provider to enquire as to why I hadn't received the next module (I study externally because I enjoy the self paced style). Turns out the computer system glitched and my next one was mailed out yesterday so in the meantime I play the hurry up and wait game.

Even without work I am able to get by on what I have. I receive a small pension due to my disability which is enough to help keep me afloat until I find something. Coming to terms with the fact that I can't work to the same degree as what I did before my diagnosis (not that I was working well during that either) has been difficult. I should probably stop thinking about this as it will get me further down that rabbit hole where I don't wish to be.

I just wish I could be more like my cats. All of their whims taken care of with nary a worry in the world. If only.

In the beginning?

Well, isn't that just dandy. For months now I've been contemplating whether I should write the mad musings of what is encapsulated within this skull of mine. I'm not much of a writer, not much of a thinker either but I am very much a daydreamer. 

Right now I'm curled up in bed with my laptop where laptops usually are, on laps! It's keeping my legs warm as the whether turns to the colder months here in the land Down Under. I'm watching two of my cats curled up at my feet. Mother and Son. Mother is cleaning her Son. It kinda reminds me of when I was a kid and my mother would spit onto a handkerchief to rub off dirt, half eaten food or any stray mark on my face. Usually at the most embarrassing moment. I look at these cats, nary a care in the world with Son No. 1 (I have Son No.2 from a later litter hiding somewhere in the house) fast asleep with Mother curled up beside him. Embarrassment isn't something they really have much to do with.

Mother cat is now staring at me, the way cats do sometimes. I'm not sure if it's one of those condescending cat stares or the blank look that often accompanies cats before they pass out and dream the dreams they dream. Maybe that's something I should do? Get some sleep? I can hear the fan above on slow speed making that soothing clunky sound. Feel the cool breeze flow over my shoulders from the windows behind me. I guess this isn't much of a beginning though I hope that it isn't the end. I don't expect any epiphanies to escape these fingers but you never know, something wonderful might eventuate.  So, here's to the beginning. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?