The power of irritability.

What is it with irritability? It sneaks up on you like a ninja then stabs you in the back with a rusty spoon and then tries to dig out your heart through the back of your ribs while it's still beating. Irritability is one of those emotional states that's partway between anger and hatred. You don't really know why you're angry and why you feel like you hate everything but you just do. In comparison, depression (for me at least) is just so much easier. It's essentially sadness wherefore your brain thinks about dying kittens and sick puppies for no apparent reason but it's a quantifiable thing. Something that you can, to at least some degree understand. Lost my job and depressed? Yup, that's normal! Wondering where the money is going to come from to buy those new tyres for the car that you so desperately need and feeling overwhelmed by the lack of finances? Yup, depression pretty normal here too.

Irritability is one of those things that just builds. Kid being obstreperous? +1 to irritability. No hot water in the shower? + 3 irritability. Annoying unwanted text messages when you're trying to send an important message to someone else? + 3 irritability! Then it gets to the stage where it's almost 'Pumkin O'Clock' and you're so wound up and cranky on the inside that sleep feels like a physical impossibility so you add another +5 to that irritability again and you're sitting at a 10/10 irritability scale wondering how the fuck you got there.

The latest thing to add onto my irritability scale is the damn cat drinking water out of the fish tank. I'm yet to understand what the fascination is for this particular cat to have the irrepressible desire to drink fish tank water. Some say it's because it's fish flavoured, others say it's because the water is de-chlorinated or somesuch I really don't know. This cat though, he knows I don't want him drinking the water. He does it to spite me I think though as soon as I make a move to chastise him he runs away and hides under the bed. Sneaky cat.

Anyway, I'm digressing. I have this uncomfortable tightness at the back of my head and a knot in my throat. I feel like there's a little old washerwoman inside of me trying to wring all of the angry out of my internal organs but instead of getting them to the point of spin drying they're just soaking up more angst and irritability like a dehydrated sponge. Thankfully this feeling doesn't happen all that often. I'm kinda glad for that. It really tries my patience. Though, when it does happen I inevitably go into withdrawal mode. I tend to have a shorter fuse when my irritability is high. Probably a good thing I keep away from people when I feel like this. I have a complete intolerance to almost everything when I feel this way. Hopefully today will be a better day. I should probably go to bed before I turn into said pumpkin.